Yesterday was a bad day…really bad. If it weren’t for the kids, I’ d probably still be in bed right now. Reality has hit me really hard the past few days and everything is starting sink in fully. I now know I’m not going to wake up and find out that everything was just a really terrible dream. I need to start dealing with how to live the rest of my life. And it SUCKS.

The littlest is oblivious to everything and has no clue that anything has changed, really. The 2 1/2 yr old is confused. Every time the phone rings, he wants to talk to Grammy. He looks out the window and wants to know when Grammy is coming. We go to their house and he runs all over, looking for her. I really have no clue how to explain things to him in a way that he can understand. My oldest has the most to deal with, as he was the apple of his grandmother’s eye. She gave him everything he ever asked for and then some. they had an awesome bond and I can see how much he’s hurting, but am powerless to fix it. He and I will have to learn together how to live without her.

I promise that I won’t turn this blog into and endless stream of “woe is me” posts about how much I hate life without my mom, but for now, this is the one place that I can get it out without having to hear how awful everyone else feels. Talking to people about things is so hard because none of my close friends or even my family has really dealt with this and they don’t know exactly what to say. The wounds are still so fresh for all of us.

Anyway, I’m not fishing for comments or looking for sympathy, but they are always appreciated. I just need a place to get everything out that has been eating me alive. Thanks for reading and I’ll post something happier soon.

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