I’ve been feeling as if I’m being suffocated by things lately. Our too-small house with too many people in it feels cluttered by a lifelong collection of stuff. I keep telling myself that I need to clean out the clutter and get rid of the things that we don’t need or use, but something is holding me back. I’m far from the point of needing an intervention from one of the hoarding shows, but I have a major issue that I don’t quite know how to get past.
I’ve always been an emotional, sentimental person who appreciates the gifts that are given to me and to my children. I’m starting to realize that the things that I’m holding onto are those that were given to me by my mom and grandmother, both of whom I have lost in the past two years. I know it’s silly, but I feel like getting rid of things that they gave to me or to the kids is like throwing away a piece of them.
I hold tightly to toys that the kids have long outgrown, clothing that doesn’t fit anyone and other odds and ends that no longer serve a purpose in my home because of the person who lovingly gave them to me. I’m not sure how to let go. I feel as if I’m betraying their memories to pass these things on to others or simply toss them in the trash.
I know that they both are in my heart and my mind, and these material possessions mean nothing. I can hear my mother’s voice telling me how ridiculous I am being by keeping things that I have no space or use for, but I still can’t let them go. I’m trying, but it’s a step in the long, hard grief process that I simply can’t get over.
Part of my fear is that if nothing remains that I can show the littlest ones that their Grammy gave them when they were small, that they won’t remember her love. They were so small when she passed away and their memories are brief and fleeting. My stories can only do so much to keep her memory alive.
Am I the only one who feels this way? Am I insane? Ridiculous? Or is this simply a part of the process of losing a parent and I’m just dealing with something completely normal?
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
You’re certainly not alone in having emotional attachments to material items. I always worry about what will happen after I get rid of something… like the very next week, I’ll need it even though I haven’t used it in over a year.
I can’t answer for the losing a parent part. I’m fortunate enough that my parents are still alive. I can see how that would make it even more difficult to get rid of things.
Can you take pictures of some of the stuff before you give it away, maybe make a scrapbook of the most precious things? Or you could make a video, holding the items and telling a little story about each one.
I don’t know if this makes any sense, but maybe it could help…
.-= Christina Gleason @ Cutest Kid Ever´s last blog ..Dear Kid Saturday – Cramping Your Style =-.
Thanks Christina. It really does help to get ideas and input…and of course, the reassurance that I’m not the only one who hates to let things go.
I lived with my Grandma before she died, and she often begged me not to get rid of her ‘stuff’. Of course, after she died, a lot the things she had accumulated did have to go, and it was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. We had sold most of the living room furniture and were donating more, and when it came time to pack her China cabinet, I broke down… just couldn’t do it. It’s in my mother’s garage now, until I get to a place where I can afford to ship it to Peru. So no – I don’t think you’re crazy. I can completely relate to how hard it is to part with the things that remind us of those we loved.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Skirmishes in the Food Revolution =-.
I’m sure that had to be hard for you. I’m pretty sure my dad is struggling with the same thing, as far as cleaning things out at home. He just doesn’t talk about it much.
What you are going through is normal for you for two reasons. 1- you describe yourself as a sentimental person that enjoys receiving meaningful gifts and 2- you just lost two significant people in your life.
As a professional organizer I would advise you to start with the clutter that you don’t have an emotional attachment to such as paper, magazines, etc. Once you see progress you will be more motivated to make decisions about other belongings.
As a friend, I say give yourself some time. Be conscious of how each object makes you feel and the memories you are attaching to it so that you can find other ways to meet those needs without keeping all the things.
.-= Melissa Multitasking Mama´s last blog ..Perspective =-.
Thanks, Melissa. It’s so hard to deal with loss on any level and the idea of getting rid of things is like experiencing it all over again. I know! Maybe I’ll start by throwing away all my husband’s crap, then I’ll have room to keep all of mine…
I know exactly how you feel!!! I used to have the same problem…but I’ve been working through it in the past few years…gradually eliminating clutter. You definitely can’t do it all at once. Something that helps me is taking a picture of the object…that way if I want to go back later and ‘remember’ I still can…but my memories are in an album…rather than cluttering my house.
.-= Kristen´s last blog ..Kapow! (I ♥ Faces Fix It Friday) =-.