Not Quite Ready

by Shannan on January 6, 2012

The tradition we kept - Christmas Eve dinner and new jammies at Poppy's house

Here it is, January 6th and the tree is still up. The kids’ new toys are still scattered around the living room. I know I should put the mess away, take down the tree and start thinking toward the next big event of the year – K’s birthday, coming up in a month.

But for some reason, I can’t.

I’m having a tough time letting go of the holidays, even though we’ve all been back to work and school since Tuesday. The routines are falling back into place, yet I can’t seem to accept that Christmas is over.

We broke from our usual tradition this year and stayed home on Christmas day. In the past, we only spent part of the day at home and then went to my aunt and uncle’s house for dinner. This year, being that the kids are at an age where separating them from their new toys is a bit of a chore, we decided to just have a more relaxed Christmas at home.

It was definitely the right choice for us and for the kids, but I can’t help but wonder if that’s part of my problem with letting the season end. I’m not sure. Is it that a piece of my “normal” holiday puzzle was left out?

I’m not a person who deals well with change, even when it’s my own decision. I find myself clinging to the familiar and fighting for what I’m used to. It’s just who I am. I know that it’s time to create our own memories and traditions with the kids, but letting my own childhood traditions go is hard. Christmas has been a constant struggle since I lost my mom and I feel like this is what I need to do to heal, but it’s still hard.

Maybe I’ll let Christmas go today…or tomorrow…or maybe next week. I just don’t know.

Have you ever made the decision to break from tradition and start something new with your family? Did you feel the same way that I am right now?

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Tara @ Skippin' Rope January 7, 2012 at 11:36 pm

I remember my first Christmas being *married* to my husband… it was so hard for me! Our first Christmas we spent with my family doing what over the years had slowly {keep word there: slowly} evolved after my parents divorce. It was a two day celebration that I adored and loved!

Then we are away from family, in a new state, with a newborn, and prepping for deployment! My best friend came to stay with us to celebrate, since she lived near by, and she helped create some of our traditions. At the time I loathed both her and my husband and the Navy for not letting me be in California with my family and doing what I loved and knew at Christmas.

Now it’s great! We open up jammies and ornaments on Christmas Eve. We have hot cocoa and watch Christmas movies and read the Christmas story. We do presents, after coffee, and stockings last. We do similar things to the rest of the world but it’s in the little things that are different for us. It’s hard to change, especially holiday traditions, but it gets better and it becomes even more special when it’s created with your loved ones.

Why not create some kind of tradition that honors your mom? What was her favorite thing about Christmas? Maybe do that as a tribute to her every year?

*hugs*

Tara

2 Victoria Battle June 29, 2012 at 10:47 am

I really loved your idea of taking your own space and creating some of your own traditions that can be cherished for years. Hope I can do something for moma. I love a lot and miss her too..:(

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